THE PATH TO GOOEY GRACE

This retreat opens with the Fudge Catechism, an intense indoctrination session where Sister Double Fudge recounts the sacred history of brownies, emphasizing their divine superiority over all other desserts. Missteps during this session, such as questioning the supremacy of brownies, are swiftly corrected with a ceremonial tap from the Whisk of Truth.

Participants are subjected to Blind Taste Trials, a rigorous exercise where they must identify and rank desserts while blindfolded. Declaring anything but brownies as the supreme choice results in public shame and additional chores, such as whisking batter or hand-washing pans encrusted with dried brownie remnants. A pivotal ritual is Brownie-Eyed Contemplation, where participants are locked in a room filled with the tantalizing aroma of freshly baked brownies. They must resist the urge to think of lesser desserts, focusing solely on the fudgy ideal.

Ceremonial events include The Cocoa Vigil, held under the light of the moon, where participants swear loyalty to the Holy Order of the Fudgelight while surrounded by a ring of molten chocolate. The experience ends with a solemn Fudge Dedication Feast, where the group consumes handcrafted brownies as Reverend Ganache recites scripture.

Closing Ceremony: The retreat culminates in The Sacrament of Fudge, where participants kneel in a candlelit circle around a sacred brownie slab. Each individual is anointed with a smear of chocolate on their forehead, signifying their rebirth as a brownie disciple. The retreat concludes with a ceremonial hymn sung in unison as the slab is divided and shared.