FROSTING NO MORE: THE CAKE PURGE

The most intense of all retreats, sinners begin with The Fudgy Pilgrimage, a physically and spiritually taxing trek through mountainous terrain while carrying sacred pans of brownies. Upon reaching the summit, participants join in the Midnight Cocoa Ceremony, swearing eternal devotion to brownies under the glow of a full moon.

The Brownie Blood Oath follows, requiring participants to contribute a drop of their blood to a communal vat of batter. The retreat’s climax is The Great Taste Tribunal, a test of pure allegiance where participants are forced to reject their previous dessert preferences before an audience of their peers. Those who falter are subjected to a symbolic “Trial by Chocolate,” which involves consuming an overwhelming amount of fudge to purge remaining doubts.

Closing Ceremony: The retreat ends with The Forging of the Sacred Spatula, a chilling ritual held around a roaring bonfire. Participants are given custom iron spatulas, glowing hot from the fire, which they must plunge into a slab of molten brownie batter. This act symbolizes the permanent branding of their souls to the Fudgelight. The spatulas are then cooled, becoming lifelong talismans of their devotion. Reverend Ganache delivers a sermon, and the ceremony closes with the Oath of the Eternal Fudge, sworn under the night sky.